My Pinterest Wedding

I think I might be a Pinterest addict. There, I said it. It’s a beautiful thing, Pinterest. And yet…it’s completely evil. This wondrous never-ending community of clothes that I wish I could sew, food that I probably shouldn’t eat, and DIY projects that I won’t ever have the time or ambition to complete. But I pin those things anyway, because there’s always the hope that I can one day use those ideas. Or something.

We recently went to an awesome wedding reception of some friends of ours, and it was SO beautiful. She had painted wine bottles with sweet sayings on them, she made homemade cupcakes, they had beautifully simple centerpieces with hand-picked wild flowers, and her hair was perfect for an outdoor wedding on a hot day.

Not to mention, they had a life-size cardboard Elvis (they had their actual ceremony in Vegas a few months ago, married by The King himself).

And all I could think, when I was noticing all the fun details, was that I wished I could have my wedding all over again, this time with the help of Pinterest. My husband and I joked about having it next summer and making it an “8th Anniversary, I Can’t Believe You Still Put Up With Me” Party. Thus, this Pinterest board was created.

Officially. Addicted.

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The Freight Train’s A-Comin’

I humbly ask you to forgive my lack of posting on this site…it seems life has caught up with me in many ways, and I have had a slightly rude awakening to this fact.

In the past few months, I’ve been surviving life as it comes. Lots of laughter, fun, and love, mixed in with the usual hurdles and frustrations of life as we know it. It’s hard to believe that it’s been so long since I posted as the Not So Perfect Mom… I think I got caught up in my other little corner of the blogosphere on my personal online journal (blog) and corresponding fans, and lost sight of the simplicity of this one. PR friendly, honest, life-loving, centered on my version of perfect family life. So here I am, starting fresh in the new year, hoping to give equal attention to both sides of my brain (ha!) and give myself time to spew out the truth and creativity that’s in my heart.

So here comes the honesty. If you know me, you know that I have a seizure disorder. Okay, let’s be more specific and say I have Epilepsy. I don’t think I’ve ever really explained exactly what happens and what it feels like, and it’s hard to describe to anyone who has never had a seizure, but I am going to try…

I spent the few days surrounding Christmas in the throes of a persistent headache. On Day 5 (the Tuesday after Christmas), I finally got relief when the stubborn tightness in my back and neck released and my head stopped hurting. The headaches at Christmas time gave me a small icky feeling in my gut, saying You know what these headaches can lead to… (meaning, headaches can precede seizures). But they went away, and so did the gut feeling.

Fast forward to last night, New Year’s Eve, 10:30 p.m., relaxing into a nice, quiet evening with my husband, welcoming the new year. BAM! Headache from Hell. Like I haven’t had in months. The top of my head feeling like it wanted to explode.

Last night’s episode began with the usual tell-tale auras that I have before I have a seizure, which give way to the feeling of a freight train headed straight toward me, with me literally unable to stop it. I’ve been seizure-free for almost TWO AND A HALF YEARS, so you can imagine my frustration in last night’s eventsLuckily, it was just (JUST?! HA!) a headache. But the screaming, pulsing pain left me curled into a ball with tears streaming, holding onto the top of my head trying to keep my brain in my head, and trying to keep my fear of a seizure from overtaking me. My sweet and caring husband by my side, lending me his strength not to panic, and just get through the pain.

Are you scared yet? I sure as hell was; I always am. I don’t tell you this to gain sympathy or to shock you. It only helps people understand what MY seizures are like…all seizures are different. Did you know there are dozens of different kinds of seizures? Did you also know that there are people (sometimes KIDS) who have small seizures all day long (or all night)? Did you know that 1 out of every 10 people will experience a seizure sometime during their life?
 
Did you also know how stubborn I am? I refuse to let these seizures get me down. I refuse to let them interfere with my relationships and my everyday life.
 
Life sucks, sometimes. It’s raw and painful and scary. But, as my husband says, we have a home, we have food, we have each other. The rest is just gravy.
 
I may be Not-So-Perfect, but I am ever so humbled.

Let’s Go Play Together

I had intended to write this post on Blogger, but due to maintenence issues the past few days, I had to post it on my skirt! blog.  Whatever.  I’m going to share it here too.  🙂

The past couple weeks have been busy, crazy, wild and chaotic. Sometimes I think: I hang out with kids and get to play all day, so why oh why am I stressed out?

(Let me know when you parents stop laughing… Done yet?)

Seriously though, it is a tough job, taking care of kids 24/7, as all of you caregivers/parents are aware. But why have I been making it so difficult for myself? I should be having fun with it. I should be taking advantage of the times when I get to chase the kids around in the backyard, tickle their little toes, play peek-a-boo, make silly noises and funny faces, do messy crafts and play with water.

When my daughter was a toddler, I was working weird hours, so I was home alone with her during the day 4 days a week. We’d watch GMA so I could be “up on the news” and then we’d watch the Ellen Degeneres Show to dance along with Ellen, and then we’d turn off the TV and play. All day. But somewhere in between job changes, us buying a house, and a myriad of other small changes, I lost that focus of JUST being with her, playing, reading, dancing, running around outside, and it has continued since the birth of our second child, and now into his toddlerhood. I think I became more focused on getting things done, and less on being the playful mom.

I wrote a guest post submission for AndNobodyToldMe.com (it’s not been featured as of yet) about my most-used word being NO. I feel like that is how it’s been lately, especially with caring for 4 kids instead of 2, and my attention being even more divided. I spend my days making sure nobody is bleeding or has broken bones and that the house is still standing. To get anything done, I encourage the kids to play with each other.

Instead of “Go play!” let it be, “Let’s go play together!” The dishes and laundry and phone calls can wait (and so can the guilt). Maybe I don’t suck at the Mom thing as much as think I do sometimes. Maybe I just need to relax and go play.

Bad Parenting: A Confessional

You think you know what BPA is? Y’know, the stuff in plastic that is harmful to kids? Well I have a new meaning: Bad Parents Anonymous.

Hi, my name is Kim, and I’m a bad mom.

I find myself guilty of:

  • Going into debt to the swear jar (the words I scream in my head count double since they‘re generally worse)
  • Stepping AROUND a child laying on the floor throwing a tantrum 
  • Being quietly grossed out when I get puke or poop on me 
  • Locking away annoying and/or messy toys so I don’t have to deal with it 
  • Pretending that we don’t have paints for the kids so I don’t have to clean up the mess 
  • Letting the older ones watch movies because I’m too exhausted to play 
  • Flat-out telling the kids they are being annoying and/or obnoxious 
  • Letting the kids annoy the neighbors instead of me, by having them “get their screams out” on the deck 
  • Telling the older ones to not complain to me, and to “figure it out” when they are bickering 
  • Putting the little one in his high chair with some goldfish to keep him contained 
  • Feeding the kids mac & cheese two days in a row just to keep them happy (and fed) 
  • Keeping crayons and paper on the table for bored kids, in hopes that they’ll leave me alone for a minute 
  • Giving the older ones (4 years old) “chores” to help me out 
  • Throwing away some of the gazillion “masterpieces” they have scribbled and proudly presented to me 
  • Enforcing nap/rest time even for the 4 year old, who still often needs it but won’t admit it 
  • Letting the older ones use the Disney Channel on YouTube to keep them busy 
  • Forbidding ANY mention of Justin Bieber, Hannah Montana and/or Alex from Waverly Place 
  • Secretly hoping my ever-foul little one will wait for Daddy to come home to poop to avoid a diaper change 
  • Calling the kids dorks, weirdos, nerds, turds, spazzes, punks, stinkers, and turkeys 
  • Using guilt to drive a lesson home 
  • Quietly mocking and/or judging other parents  
  • Leaving 5 loads of unfolded laundry in baskets with the “screw it” attitude

As I read back on this list I realize that maybe I’m not a bad mom. Maybe I just have a low tolerance for BS. You decide.

I Suck At Party Planning

I woke up to two things this morning…  Bipolar Baby jabbering happily in his crib (hooray!), and my husband bending over to kiss me goodbye, saying, “You still want to work on the yard tonight?”  The happy jabber made me smile, but apparently I did my characteristic “nose wrinkle” at the reminder that we agreed to clean up the yard tonight to Bailey’s party this weekend.  Blah. 

The nose wrinkle has become a running joke, and an absolute and final commentary of my objection to an idea:

“Should we have liver and onions for supper? *nose wrinkle*  OKAY, that would be a ‘no’. How ’bout…”

“You want to see the movie “Bikini Girl Death Match” this weekend?  *nose wrinkle*  Mmkay, no.”

So even though I agreed that we HAVE to clean up the yard and today should probably be the day, I still gave the nose wrinkle.  Because, let’s face it:  yard work sucks.   

So, anyway.  La la la. 

We are planning Bailey’s birthday party in our usual fashion.  That is to say, I picked a date and kinda forgot about it.  And then last week:  “Yeah!  Grilling and and presents and cake and…ooh, yeah let’s MAKE a really intricate cake with several tiers and fairies and….oh, yeah, let’s have the party have a princess theme.”  Crap.  And we neglected to invite Josh’s best friend and his family.  Crap.  And Bailey wanted to invite someone I was accidentally on purpose NOT inviting.  Crap. 

Cupcakes can be made Friday. Princess dress will be put in the laundry tomorrow, princess crown shined and sparkling.  I’ll recheck the guest list this afternoon.  Sucking it up and being an adult about the awkward invites will commence on Saturday.  Yard work, ahoy!

Little Girls and Their Crowns

I gave my child full license to pick her own outfit this morning.  Reasonable.  However, I’ve been trying to gently (yet deviously) steer her away from all this princess crap, because she’s got wayyyy too many princess dresses, crowns, gloves, tutu’s, etc etc etc, and I am getting sick of it.  Not like annoyed beyond belief sick of it, but sick of it nonetheless.  Which is why I am secretly pleased that she is growing out of some of her princess dresses, and am hoping that Grandma doesn’t buy her more.  Naughty Grandma tends to give her grandkids whatever they want.

Anyway, I was pleased this morning when the kiddo came out in a tank top and shorts (although she insisted in putting a t-shirt on over the tank top, but whatever).  Then she went down to her room to play, and returned a little while later in a freaking princess dress and tiara.  *rolling my eyes*

Kiddo is constantly talking about marrying Prince Naveen and asking how pretty her dress is–and is disconcertingly fascinated by watching me put on makeup (Damn it!  Way to confuse the kid, Mom!). I could claim that my growing aversion to all things princess is about teaching the kiddo realistic ideals of love and life and body image and all that liberal, modern woman-type stuff.  But, all that aside, I freaking hate tripping over princess dresses and am freaking tired of stepping on tiaras that are left freaking everywhere.

And, in the end, I am the one who made the suggestion for all the little girls invited to her birthday party in a couple weeks to wear their very best princess get-up.  Stupid.

30 Days of Truth, Day One

30 Days of Truth

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Of course they would start with a hard one.  But, I guess if it was “easy,” there wouldn’t be much point to the challenge.  My first thought upon seeing today’s question was, “I have to pick just one thing???”  No, not really.

Let’s be honest, here.  I’m a woman; we inherently hate ourselves for what we look like, what we don’t look like, what we used to look like and what we think we should look like.  Among other things. 

Something that I hate about myself is that I overthink things.  It’s annoying to others (mainly my husband, I think) and to me (when I realize I’m doing it). 

I get into a situation and tend to mull it over, rant about it, obsess over it, and then beat it to death with a stick, way beyond the point of being objective anymore.  For example, if I was having problems with a coworker at my old job (I’m too new at my new job, and most of the time I work alone), I would think about what I could say, should say, how I could’ve done it differently, what a pain in the ass this person is being, etc.  A lot of the time it’s a miscommunication and I should just shut up about it until I talk to the person again. 

Another example:  when our son was in the NICU just after he was born, I obsessed over each moment of his birth and and the moments directly afterward to somehow figure out if I had done something wrong to cause his respiratory distress.  Obviously, it was out of my control, but I still had to find fault. I obsessed over his treatment in the NICU those first days of his life and tried to make sure that whatever could be done was being done.  Instead of trusting the nurses and doctors to do their jobs.  Gabe is perfectly perfect now.  Despite being told that he would, in fact, be fine, I overthought it ALL, nearly driving my husband and myself crazy.

So there it is, this truth is out there for the world to see…hopefully that fact will encourage me to work on it.  Maybe.  Let me think about it for a while.  🙂