Stream of Consciousness Sunday

#SOCsundayWe went grocery shopping today, and I spent 20 mintues in the checkout lane, due to a new/slow cashier, and the fact that he couldn’t figure out how to do EBT properly. He ran it through 4 times (with me getting huffier and huffier–is that a word?) stressing about the possibility of me being charged the amount due EACH TIME HE RAN THE EFFING CARD. This, if you are not familiar with EBT, would begin depleting our account of funds that we use to buy groceries. (This didn’t end up being the case, but still.)

And yes, I said it. My family and I use an EBT card, or what was formerly known as food stamps. With us being “lower income” it became necessary for us to get some help with budgeting/bills/groceries. I’ve done a lot of budget cuts to make things work, we’ve recently had our mortgage modified, we are getting food support from the county, and we’re on WIC. I find nothing wrong with using the resources when they are needed and available. It allows us to put food on our table and clothes on our kids.

What I do find wrong is people who look down on “people like us.” There are the people in the check out line behind us giving us dirty looks because we are holding up the line. There are those who give us looks of pity, which drives.me.insane. There are the people who give us looks that scream, “You lazy bastards, go out and get a job and stop wasting my tax money.” UGH. Don’t even get me started on those people.

I work my ass off. My husband works his ass off. We pay our bills the best we can and balance our budget the best we can. I don’t feel like we are entitled, by any means. We feed our kids, they have clothes to wear, we do fun things and have hobbies, we spend time as a family, we do all the normal things a family should do. I just feel like, sometimes…the “getting by” is so hard. I recently had a conversation with a friend about this same thing: money, bills, stress, etc. and I said something about “figuring it out,” in regards to bills getting paid when a paycheck hadn‘t been received on time. She said, “Some day we won’t have to ‘figure it out’ right?” HELL, YES. There will be a day. Until then I refuse to be ashamed.

And now, a song:

Thanks for letting me be a part of your Sunday.  xoxo

 

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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

 

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (it’s on the right side of her blog).
  • Link up your post to Fadra’s blog entry.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
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Mom Guilt–Stream of Consciousness Sunday

Last week, Lerner posted about losing herself in motherhood on her “other” site.  I commented to her that I myself went through something similar.  And I feel like I’ve pulled my head out of my ass, somewhat. (more about that later).  It’s just that I need time.  Me time.  Alone time.  Time when I’m not being touched by anyone.  During the day, especially during the week when I’ve got 2 other kids here, I am TOUCHED all freaking day.  Kiddos want hugs (totally okay), but also hang on me, pull at my pants, fight me during diaper changes, drool on me, get snot on me, etc etc etc.  I only have so much patience to go around.  And I wnat to be around these kids.  I love them all with all my heart.  I feel like a bad mom for feeling this way, though, and I realize now that that is nlt just a little bit stupid.

The whole pulling my head out of my ass thing: I became so wrapped up in all that was motherhood that I for got to be ME. I paid less attention to my husband than I did my baby/babies.  He started to feel neglected and basically the guy who fixes things and brings home the paycheck, and not just…HUSBAND. We finally had a serious enough conversation about it that I was able to realize what had happened to me.  I’m working on it.  Finding the sexy confident fun person inside me.  Being a partner, rahter than just someone who happened ot live in the same house.  Being a good friend, catching up on phone calls and emails and texts that I’d been putting off til I “had time.”  Well….I made time.  And I feel better for it.  My husband and I are closer than we’ve been in years (it makes me sad to admit it’s been since my daughter was an infant).  But the truth hurts.

Now I need to merge the two concepts.  Take time for me, while not feeling guilty for doing it.  Not giving into the idea that my family had “let me” have that time.  Because I am a better partner, mom and friend when I get that time. 

 ——–
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. So, I went back and put in the links to Lerner and Fadra’s site(s) after my time was up.  Whatever.  I don’t think that counts in the time frame.  Anyway:

It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (go to Fadra’s site for this).
  • Link up your post to her site.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.