30 Days of Truth, Day Nine

So…I’ve been naughty and haven’t updated this blog in a while.  I’ve got a goal to post twice a week, so we’ll see how that goes.  I feel tons better getting things out of my head and onto paper (or typed out, whatever), so maybe that’ll motivate me. 

Onward with the 30 Days of Truth, even if it obviously won’t be done in exactly 30 days.

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ay 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I don’t have a lot of friends who are close friends, like those I wouldn’t hesitate to tell absolutely everything to.  I have friends, acquaintances, coworkers who were sort of friends, in-laws who are kind of friends, spouses/partners of friends, etc. but not many BFF’s. 

Actually, my best friend lives 3 hours away and we see each other but a few times a year, and we talk as only as often as our busy schedules allow.

That said, I’ve had friends who have moved away whom I’ve just drifted from.  Most likely due to laziness or “busyness” on either of our parts to actually stay in touch.  Through the wonders of Facebook, however, I’ve been able to find and catch up with many of these friends.  Ah-mazing. 

It’s so fun to see these people who I haven’t seen since 8th grade (or whenever), having kids and jobs and lives so full of awesomeness and joy. 

Another New Year’s resolution, then? To keep these “new” Facebook friends as actual friends.

30 Days of Truth, Day Seven

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

I could be cliche’ and say my kids, but I won’t.  They have made my life so much more than I dared to think it could be, but the person who has made my life worth living is my husband. 
 
He has been there for me through so much, and has done his very best to calm my fears, stress, pain and unhappiness.  He only has to take me in his arms and let me cry, and I feel so safe.  He knows that if I cry, I will feel better, and he doesn’t need to say a word. 
 
He makes me laugh, and the sense of humor and jokes that we share only bring us closer.  In the 9 years that we’ve been together, he has been the one constant in my life.  I’ve got friends, and my mother and sister will always be there for me, but Josh is the one who I believe truly understands me inside and out.  He challenges me, supports me, lets me vent, and loves me unconditionally.  He puts up with me even when I’m being annoying, and calls me on it when I take him for granted.
 
He is strong when I am weak, patient when I feel like pulling my hair out, and calm when I am beside myself with worry.
 
He lets me know that I am adored and wanted and needed.  He has shown me that I can express myself in ways I was scared to before.  He tells me that I’m beautiful and sexy, even if I don’t feel that way. 
 
Without him, I would not have two of the most precious things in my life:  my children.  He lovingly cared for me and supported me through both the pregnancies, from beginning to end, and helped me bring those two awesome people into this world.  He is a great father.  When he feels challenged by our children and their craziness and neediness, he tries his very best to give them what they need and to love them.  Through the diapers, late nights, illnesses, teething, tantrums, frustrations, worrying, challenges and joys, he has been right there along with me. 
 
He not makes my life worth living, he makes my life complete.

30 Days of Truth, Day Six

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

I hope I never have to see my children suffer.  Yes, I know this is an impossible request.  But what I mean is, I hope that I never have to see them suffer pain, anguish or grief beyond what they can handle. 

There are so many things that could go wrong in life, and I can only hope that my husband and I can teach our kids to cope the best way possible.  We want them to be strong and happy individuals, and to be able to live their lives to the fullest.  I think that the best thing we can give them is love and support and the emotional tools they’ll need to get through life.  The rest is up to them. 

30 Days of Truth, Day Five

Hmmm, as I read back on my posts for the 30 Days of Truth, it seems that I am taking them to my own interpretation. Maybe that was part of the point???

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

I’ve done several of the things I always hoped to do in my life. 

I graduated from college, with a Bachelor’s in Psychology.  I always wanted to be a counselor, I think, except for when I was five and wanted to be a veterinarian.  I haven’t made it to the actual “counselor” role yet, but that chapter in my life is still open.  I’d like to go back to school for my Master’s Degree in Something.  Community Counseling, Social Work, Something. 

I think, in the back of my mind, I always wanted to be a mom.  I didn’t always think it possible that I would find someone to be a mom with, and then I started dating my husband (again. But that’s another story for another time.).  It became clear that we were in it for life, the two of us, together and happy.  When we started seriously talking about having kids, I realized that we truly could make a family and be deliriously happy.  When you’re an awkward teenager, the actuality of motherhood seems pretty far removed from your reality, but I got my wish.  I got the love of my life.  I got the beautiful kids.  I got my version of the “perfect” future with those I love the most. 

To add to those, I will say the things I hope to do in my life, in no particular order are:

  • Get a least one more tattoo and/or change the one I have on my back.
  • Take my family to Florida and share with them the things I love so much about the ocean. 
  • Take a road trip with my family so my husband can show us where he grew up and the places he loves.
  • Achieve my Master’s Degree.
  • Be able to give my parents the love and support that they always have given me.
  • Keep the relationships I have with my siblings and enjoy each others’ company as we grow older.
  • Get published.  Whether it be a book, article or journal in psychological research or whatever.
  • See my children grow into the wonderful and awesome adults that I know they will be.

30 Days of Truth, Day Two

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

For some reason, I found it much easier to write the entry for Day One.  Loving yourself is hard to do sometimes.  I think for me, it’s the small things that add up to my happiness. 

I love that I have learned so much about myself since becoming an “adult.”  And I love that I have been open to that.  Self-discovery can come in so many different ways, and the way you learn shows a lot about a person. 

I love my husband and the love we have for each other.  I love that he and I have created the most beautiful children I could have ever hoped to have.  I love that we have grown with each other in this journey of parenthood, and that we continue to grow.  I love that even though we struggle at times, at the end of the day we still love each other for who we are.  I love our history together and our future to come.  I love that we can laugh together.  I love that we learn from each other in ways that we didn’t expect.

I love my children.  I love their brilliance in spirit, their innocence, their wonder in the world around them.  I love seeing my daughter grow in her abilities to do things and I love the joy in her eyes when she learns something new.  I love my son’s endless curiousity and his endless tenacity.  I love the fact that he shows a silly sense of humor already, at such a young age. 

I love my work.  I love the people I serve and the ways that I am able to help them.  I love the fact that even though I haven’t been happy at all of my jobs, I have been able to continue to help people. 

I love my relationships with my family.  I love the closeness I have with my mother and sister and that I count them as friends rather than just family.  I love that my big brother will always be my protective big brother. I love that I can still hold my dad’s hand.  I love the fond memories I have of my grandparents, and that I am able to look back on their lives and know that they did wonderful things with their lives.  I love my parents-in-law because they have accepted me into their family, as one of their own.  I love that even with the craziness of their lives, they will always support us. 

I love that, even in adulthood, I have a Best Friend.  I love that my friends and I can sit around and talk about serious things, or about nothing at all, and still have a good time.  I love having someone to go to who will be my cheerleader, my listening ear, my sounding board, my grounding force. 

I love that I have “survived” life thus far.  I love that my hardships and downfalls have not overtaken me.  I love that I have been made stronger by having a challenging daily reminder to be humble. 

I love my past, because it has led me to where I am today.  I love my future, because I am able to choose where it leads me next.

30 Days of Truth, Day One

30 Days of Truth

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Of course they would start with a hard one.  But, I guess if it was “easy,” there wouldn’t be much point to the challenge.  My first thought upon seeing today’s question was, “I have to pick just one thing???”  No, not really.

Let’s be honest, here.  I’m a woman; we inherently hate ourselves for what we look like, what we don’t look like, what we used to look like and what we think we should look like.  Among other things. 

Something that I hate about myself is that I overthink things.  It’s annoying to others (mainly my husband, I think) and to me (when I realize I’m doing it). 

I get into a situation and tend to mull it over, rant about it, obsess over it, and then beat it to death with a stick, way beyond the point of being objective anymore.  For example, if I was having problems with a coworker at my old job (I’m too new at my new job, and most of the time I work alone), I would think about what I could say, should say, how I could’ve done it differently, what a pain in the ass this person is being, etc.  A lot of the time it’s a miscommunication and I should just shut up about it until I talk to the person again. 

Another example:  when our son was in the NICU just after he was born, I obsessed over each moment of his birth and and the moments directly afterward to somehow figure out if I had done something wrong to cause his respiratory distress.  Obviously, it was out of my control, but I still had to find fault. I obsessed over his treatment in the NICU those first days of his life and tried to make sure that whatever could be done was being done.  Instead of trusting the nurses and doctors to do their jobs.  Gabe is perfectly perfect now.  Despite being told that he would, in fact, be fine, I overthought it ALL, nearly driving my husband and myself crazy.

So there it is, this truth is out there for the world to see…hopefully that fact will encourage me to work on it.  Maybe.  Let me think about it for a while.  🙂

30 Days of Truth

I’ve seen this challenge on a couple other people’s blogs so I thought I’d give it a try.  It seems like a good way to get my brain going on this blogging thing, since all I’ve been doing lately is ranting. 

So here are the topics:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.