How NOT To Suck At Facebook

There are so very many ways to suck at Facebook. I encounter it daily, reading others’ pages and statuses, and seeing the moronic things that get posted via group/fan pages. People post way too often, share information that is way too private (or TMI), and generally talk out of their behinds.

I get it, I really do. The internet gives everyone a VOICE. It gives us a way to tell the world about ourselves, our lives, our cat, and our obsession with Ryan Gosling. How cool is that?! An audience, seemingly captivated by me, and hanging on my every word! My god, I should have a blog so that I can share every detail about myself with the world, and force them to read my drivel. *ahem*

And have you come across TROLLS? Holy cow, trolls are especially vicious creatures who hang out looking for a fight, and then proceed to try to make someone look like a jackass, but instead, end up making complete jackasses of themselves.

People can be assholes. Seriously.

golum internet troll

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, here is my list of ways NOT to suck at Facebook, because let’s face it, there needs to be a how-to on this kind of thing.

  • Drunken bars pictures on your Facebook (FB) wall are simply a bad idea. It’s lame, and always a potentially detrimental career move. Think about it. If you don’t want your boss to see it, or catch wind of it, DON’T POST IT ON FACEBOOK. Duh.
  • Don’t post pictures of you potty training your kid. If you want to mention you’re doing it, or want advice, fine. But we don’t need to see a picture of your kid sitting on the toilet. As cute as you might think it is, there’s no need to put that on FB. And not to mention, it could be dangerous…remember pedophiles?
  • No Vaguebooking. We’ve all seen it. Vaguebookers post a status like, “BIG NEWS!” or “In the hospital…” and not explain themselves, thus making us have to ask what’s going on. It’s annoying.
  • Don’t be a troll. (See above.) If you are going to complain about content on someone’s status, get a life. You DO have the ability to NOT read their stuff, you know. And if you are so inclined, you can block and/or unfriend them.
  • On a related note, if you don’t agree with the content on someone’s fan page that you voluntarily “like,” don’t just sit there trolling, complaining, and generally making an ass of yourself. If you don’t like the content, don’t report the content as offensive…UNLIKE the page and don’t let the door hit you on the way out the door. Duh.
  • Have a political opinion? Awesome. Have a religious opinion? Awesome. But pretty please don’t cram it down your FB friends’ throats by clogging up their news feeds with irrational rants.
  • Only posting pictures of your show dog, Mr. Muggles, and nothing else is LAME.
  • Do not make a FB profile for your pet. It’s weird.
  • Regarding kid pictures: only posting pictures of your little darlings, and nothing else, can be overwhelming to FB friends; moderation is key. (I’m guilty of this one sometimes, actually, so that is why I have tried to be kind about it.) Another thing to consider is that you may have FB friends who have lost a child or who are desperately trying to conceive a baby. Slap in the face, much?
  • Oh, you have a blog? AWESOME! Pretty please keep your posts on your personal FB about your blog to occasional links or photos. If you want to share more than that: multiple links to your blog, giveaways, contests, etc., you can start a fan page for your blog; that is the perfect spot for that.
  • If you do have a FB fan page for your blog or business, let me give you a teensy bit of advice: don’t worry about your stats, “likes,” or insights. If they start to fall, it can be discouraging and frustrating, and you are better off focusing on content, not numbers.
  • Keep FB game requests to people who you know actually play the game. Some FB games automatically post invites for you, but you can fix this by changing your settings.
  • Keep the Grammar Nerd Police in mind. Pay attention to spelling and grammar, or risk looking silly. (Related: if you notice that someone did happen to make a mistake in grammar or spelling, don’t point it out like a jerk.)
  • Don’t air your dirty laundry on FB. Fights with your significant other, your sex life, or complaints about your job are personalDon’t make it awkward for your friends.
  • If you wouldn’t want your grandma to see your status or photo (read: the content is embarrassing or inappropriate), don’t post it.

What would YOU add to this list?

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Random Thoughts After a Very Long Week

Things about having kids that have surprisingly not driven me crazy yet:

1. The “I Like To Move It, Move It” song playing several times a day, and the ensuing screeches, giggles and jumping around like wild animals.

2. “The Gummy Bear Song” via YouTube played just as often.

3. The fact that the girls constantly lose things in the snow that they promise to keep track of. Spring is coming…we’ll find it all later.

4. The diapers. We’re talking about the sheer volume and smell (on two boy toddlers, mind you. Somehow boys’ poop seems a lot more foul. It’s a mystery to me.) Maybe it’s just the necessity of it; I can’t pawn it off on anyone so I may as well suck it up and change them without complaining too much about it. (I do, however, take my husband up on his offer to change our son whenever I can!)

5. The fact that my mother likes to bring loud, messy or annoying things when she comes to visit. She comes to spend time with us, and to have fun with the kids, so all in all, it’s a good thing. 🙂

6. Disney princess movies. Any princess-y thing, really, since my daughter has SO much of it and is obsessed with princesses.

7. The amount of effort it takes to get them dressed to go outside to play. In the end, it is soooo worth it, giving them time to be outside, burn off energy, get some exercise, play loud games and holler all they want.

8. The daily request for mac & cheese for lunch. They’re not getting that every single day, so they can just deal with it.

9. The point and grunt. Baby sign is a work in progress for these little guys, so there’s a lot of, “Sorry, bud, I have NO idea what you want.” So we try everything, and see what appeases the beast.

10. Sassy 4-year-olds. I swear my daughter is 4 going on 14.

Things that DO drive me crazy:

1. The pounding on the door as I try to pee by myself.

2. The fact that the boys are learning new words such as my new favorite: NO!

3. My son’s apparent inability to be more than 10 feet away from me without screaming like I‘ve left him forever.

4. My son’s new screech, which is his baby version of a tantrum, and the devastated face that he makes when I just step over him and walk away.

5. The tattling. It’s never-ending. My clever psychological tactics work only most of the time.

6. Teething. It just sucks.

7. That my daughter waits until after we’ve tucked her in to realize she needs to go potty or needs a drink of water.

8. The faux nap. You think they are peacefully resting and then check on them, only to realize they have been quietly trashing the place. Wipes everywhere. Crib sheet on the floor. Blanket stuffed between the slats of the crib. Socks disappeared. Pacifier somehow across the room.

9. Those stupid plastic stackable ball-cup thingies (or any toy, really) being scraped across the floor, the sound of which makes me shudder and want to vomit and/or scream.

10. Whining. Enough said.

The things I have come to LOVE and cherish them while I can:

1. The giggles, smiles and dimples.

2. The hugs and snuggles.

3. When they all fight over my lap and I end up with all of them on me snuggling.

4. The slobbery kisses (unless you’re a parent, you probably don’t understand this one).

5. When our daughter begs us to read to her. She loves to read and be read to, and it‘s awesome.

6. Alone time with my husband. It means so much more now that we have kids, since our attention is almost always otherwise occupied.

7. The sweet (yet often brief) silence of naptime.

8. The handmade cards and pictures and scribbles that are so proudly given to us.

9. Coffee.

10. Bedtime.

RNF: Bragging About My Awesome Baby Edition

10 Things About My Baby I Never Thought I’d Adore

1. His tenacity in his endeavor to get the kitty to love him.  Just for the sheer fact that our cat, Aslan, hates said “loving,” which includes hair-pulling, wrestling and drooling.  And for the giggles that ensue as Baby Boy chases Aslan down the hallway.

2. The gap between his front teeth, because it’s freaking adorable.

3. The fact that even when his nose is full of snot, his face is covered in drool, and he has peaches in his hair, he’s cute.  He may look like a street urchin, but a cute one. 

4. His constant jabber, because I like to think that if he could use actual words, we’d be having the most intelligent conversations. 

5. The giggle/scream.  It usually follows some silly face Big Sister makes or Daddy pretending to fall down.

6. The fact that he is brilliant and a pure genius baby.  Really.  Me being his biased mother has nothing to do with it.

7. His deviousness.  He and Big Sister get into all kinds of giggly shenanigans, and he gives me The Devious Smile before he does something naughty.

8. That face he makes when he tries a new food.  That quick little lip pucker and grimace before he realizes, “Oh! This yellow mushy stuff is actually kinda tasty!”

9.  The twice-nightly changeme/feedme bonding moment. Oh. Wait. Twice-nightly? Yeah, I could totally pass on that one.

10. The fact that Puppy (as I like to call Baby Boy) does indeed follow me around like a puppy.  I always knew he’d like me best.