How NOT To Suck At Facebook

There are so very many ways to suck at Facebook. I encounter it daily, reading others’ pages and statuses, and seeing the moronic things that get posted via group/fan pages. People post way too often, share information that is way too private (or TMI), and generally talk out of their behinds.

I get it, I really do. The internet gives everyone a VOICE. It gives us a way to tell the world about ourselves, our lives, our cat, and our obsession with Ryan Gosling. How cool is that?! An audience, seemingly captivated by me, and hanging on my every word! My god, I should have a blog so that I can share every detail about myself with the world, and force them to read my drivel. *ahem*

And have you come across TROLLS? Holy cow, trolls are especially vicious creatures who hang out looking for a fight, and then proceed to try to make someone look like a jackass, but instead, end up making complete jackasses of themselves.

People can be assholes. Seriously.

golum internet troll

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, here is my list of ways NOT to suck at Facebook, because let’s face it, there needs to be a how-to on this kind of thing.

  • Drunken bars pictures on your Facebook (FB) wall are simply a bad idea. It’s lame, and always a potentially detrimental career move. Think about it. If you don’t want your boss to see it, or catch wind of it, DON’T POST IT ON FACEBOOK. Duh.
  • Don’t post pictures of you potty training your kid. If you want to mention you’re doing it, or want advice, fine. But we don’t need to see a picture of your kid sitting on the toilet. As cute as you might think it is, there’s no need to put that on FB. And not to mention, it could be dangerous…remember pedophiles?
  • No Vaguebooking. We’ve all seen it. Vaguebookers post a status like, “BIG NEWS!” or “In the hospital…” and not explain themselves, thus making us have to ask what’s going on. It’s annoying.
  • Don’t be a troll. (See above.) If you are going to complain about content on someone’s status, get a life. You DO have the ability to NOT read their stuff, you know. And if you are so inclined, you can block and/or unfriend them.
  • On a related note, if you don’t agree with the content on someone’s fan page that you voluntarily “like,” don’t just sit there trolling, complaining, and generally making an ass of yourself. If you don’t like the content, don’t report the content as offensive…UNLIKE the page and don’t let the door hit you on the way out the door. Duh.
  • Have a political opinion? Awesome. Have a religious opinion? Awesome. But pretty please don’t cram it down your FB friends’ throats by clogging up their news feeds with irrational rants.
  • Only posting pictures of your show dog, Mr. Muggles, and nothing else is LAME.
  • Do not make a FB profile for your pet. It’s weird.
  • Regarding kid pictures: only posting pictures of your little darlings, and nothing else, can be overwhelming to FB friends; moderation is key. (I’m guilty of this one sometimes, actually, so that is why I have tried to be kind about it.) Another thing to consider is that you may have FB friends who have lost a child or who are desperately trying to conceive a baby. Slap in the face, much?
  • Oh, you have a blog? AWESOME! Pretty please keep your posts on your personal FB about your blog to occasional links or photos. If you want to share more than that: multiple links to your blog, giveaways, contests, etc., you can start a fan page for your blog; that is the perfect spot for that.
  • If you do have a FB fan page for your blog or business, let me give you a teensy bit of advice: don’t worry about your stats, “likes,” or insights. If they start to fall, it can be discouraging and frustrating, and you are better off focusing on content, not numbers.
  • Keep FB game requests to people who you know actually play the game. Some FB games automatically post invites for you, but you can fix this by changing your settings.
  • Keep the Grammar Nerd Police in mind. Pay attention to spelling and grammar, or risk looking silly. (Related: if you notice that someone did happen to make a mistake in grammar or spelling, don’t point it out like a jerk.)
  • Don’t air your dirty laundry on FB. Fights with your significant other, your sex life, or complaints about your job are personalDon’t make it awkward for your friends.
  • If you wouldn’t want your grandma to see your status or photo (read: the content is embarrassing or inappropriate), don’t post it.

What would YOU add to this list?

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