Last week, Lerner posted about losing herself in motherhood on her “other” site. I commented to her that I myself went through something similar. And I feel like I’ve pulled my head out of my ass, somewhat. (more about that later). It’s just that I need time. Me time. Alone time. Time when I’m not being touched by anyone. During the day, especially during the week when I’ve got 2 other kids here, I am TOUCHED all freaking day. Kiddos want hugs (totally okay), but also hang on me, pull at my pants, fight me during diaper changes, drool on me, get snot on me, etc etc etc. I only have so much patience to go around. And I wnat to be around these kids. I love them all with all my heart. I feel like a bad mom for feeling this way, though, and I realize now that that is nlt just a little bit stupid.
The whole pulling my head out of my ass thing: I became so wrapped up in all that was motherhood that I for got to be ME. I paid less attention to my husband than I did my baby/babies. He started to feel neglected and basically the guy who fixes things and brings home the paycheck, and not just…HUSBAND. We finally had a serious enough conversation about it that I was able to realize what had happened to me. I’m working on it. Finding the sexy confident fun person inside me. Being a partner, rahter than just someone who happened ot live in the same house. Being a good friend, catching up on phone calls and emails and texts that I’d been putting off til I “had time.” Well….I made time. And I feel better for it. My husband and I are closer than we’ve been in years (it makes me sad to admit it’s been since my daughter was an infant). But the truth hurts.
Now I need to merge the two concepts. Take time for me, while not feeling guilty for doing it. Not giving into the idea that my family had “let me” have that time. Because I am a better partner, mom and friend when I get that time.
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. So, I went back and put in the links to Lerner and Fadra’s site(s) after my time was up. Whatever. I don’t think that counts in the time frame. Anyway:
It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (go to Fadra’s site for this).
- Link up your post to her site.
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.