Before I became a parent, I never thought I’d…

Say:

*Yay! You went potty!

*Don’t put that down your pants!!!

*What did you just eat??? Open your mouth and let me see.

*Ew…don’t eat that! It came out of your nose!

*Don’t hug the kitty so hard!

*The toilet cover STAYS DOWN.

*Wait! You still have poop on your backside!

Do:

*Eat cold hot dogs off someone else’s plate.

*Barely cringe as I watched a kid eat something off the floor.

*Not be caught without a bag containing raisins, butt cream, and a toy car. At the same time.

*Be suspicious when the house is suddenly silent.

*Change a diaper on the floor of someone’s office.

*Go 2 days without showering before realizing it.

*Take a million pictures of the same person.

Hear:

“I’m pooping…yay!

*A B C D E F itsy spider up the water spout head shoulders knees and toes up and down the produce aisle Bingo was his name-o.

*I need juice I need juice I need juice I NEED JUICE!

*I dress MYSELF! Yay!

*I love you Mommy.

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